Reason #22 Why we Moved to the Country

I am a pretty cool neighbor. The rental Girls Next Door have late parties, I close my bedroom window. The rental family behind me parks their RV so it blocks the sidewalk, I don’t care. The family two doors away has a house that’s falling down from lack of repair, it doesn’t really affect me (until I try to sell my house, anyway).

But there’s an older woman up the street who is incensed by things like this, and it doesn’t help that she walks her dog 26 times a day and sees all neighborhood transgressions.

She also gets riled up about long grass. I may joke about being reported to The State, but this woman would seriously report me to The City for long grass if it ever got that bad. After Joel was born and we’d been at the hospital, the grass was long and she made some passive-aggressive comment then, too. It’s like, HELLO … we’re nurturing new life here. Kinda too busy to mess with the grass!

Let’s keep in mind that Aron was gone all summer long. If I wasn’t mowing religiously, I was paying teenage boys to do it. Now that Aron’s home, it’s been over 2 weeks since he mowed due to rain, plans, etc. It’s pretty scruffy right now.

So today I see her and the crossing guard lady talking and looking my way. I wave; they stare. When she catches up to me, she asks if Aron is gone this week. I say, “No. Why?” I know why, but I want to hear her say it so we can throw down.

(She’s got it in for me anyway since she taught Home Ec for years at a public school and I am a … GASP … homeschooler with hillbilly kids who don’t often wear shoes.)

Instead she says, while surveying the lawn, “Oh, I just hadn’t seen him and was wondering.” Sure you were.

Next time Aron leaves town for weeks on end in the summer, I’m gonna let it GROW and see how long it takes for a notice to appear on my front door! I’m so ornery.