I am so curious to know your opinions on this one. Send this to your friends and have THEM comment, too. I really want to know the final vote on this one.
Let’s say someone is bullying your kid. Taking his lunch money. Pushing him around. One day the bully punches your kid in the stomach.
Have you taught your kid to be like Jesus and turn the other cheek, or do you go all Old Testament like I prefer and teach your kid to punch back?
My husband says if you let people bully you (physically or otherwise), they’ll always do it. Plus everyone else will see that you can be bullied, and everyone will get in on the action.
But if you hit back, the bully will stand down.
In my personal experience lately, the bully WILL stand down and leave you alone and respect you if you FIGHT BACK (verbally anyway).
I know Chris and Michelle are going, “NO KERRIE! Fighting solves nothing. Teach your kids peace.” But turning the other cheek certainly got me nowhere when I was in an abusive relationship. I shoulda just left, though, because punching him could’ve gotten me killed.
Opinions?
I was big sister to a bullied kid once. My brother got beaten up in the bathroom and the school told him to just tell a teacher when it happened. Um... my dad told him to kick his *ss. The school got the impression that we Americans are just such cowboys that way (this happened in Australia).
ReplyDeleteI don't think Australian men are wimps... it was just a stereotype that American men go around shooting people and beating them up. But WHICH kid got his butt kicked in the bathroom?? He went to private school after that.
I did have opportunity once when I was walking home from school to catch this thug and slam him to a wall. I told him he'd better never touch a kid littler than himself again.
Every single person on this earth has the right to live their life free from physical, verbal and emotional assaulth.
ReplyDeleteIn my child's school the bully would be immediatedly expelled...zero tolerance at a certain age...so I guess I wouldn't have to do anything.
Being bullied is terribly emotionally damaging to a child. Every situation is different but self-defence is every human's birthright.
Breeze
I say encourage them to fight back. There will always be bullies throughout life, even if it's not physical bullying, and the earlier children learn to stand up for themselves, the better.
ReplyDeleteFighting back doesn't have to mean hitting back (in the case of physical abuse). Like you said in reference to your own situation, leaving is what you should have done. And leaving is a form of fighting back.
ps..and you know I'm a turn the other cheek person...but I'm also a protect the children person first...letting a bully continue to be a bully isn't doing him/her any favours anymore than allowing a child to be bullied is helpful.
ReplyDeleteFighting solves nothing. Fighting back is sometimes necessary for survival. Walking away is ideal but sometimes they won't let you walk away.
I prefer the ideal but understand its not always about ideals but what works in the moment to preserve a persons well being.
Breeze
In Kindergarten, we told Amatista to punch this boy that was bothering her all the time. We talked to his parents, they agreed. She didn't want to do it, but he kept bugging her. We think he really just 'liked' her.
ReplyDeleteSo finally one day when she could take it no more, she did punch him. He was shocked and went home crying for 45 minutes. She was also devastated. I called the mom and we talked about it and it was all ok. And the kid never bothered Amatista again. And neither has anyone else.
We had the issue with my oldest when he was in third grade. The school talked with the kid and his parents but it kept happening. I told my son he had the right to protect himself, and enrolled him in karate. They taught him evasive moves and how to try to resolve the issue. Finally my son had to punch the boy in his nose and it solved the problem. We've tried to teach the kids to use their words first, but they should have the right to defend themselves.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe in returning violence for violence but I do believe in taking action. For school children that would be going to administration but for the home schooled you would need to meet with the parents. If I got no action I would go to the police and file charges. It is still against the law to steal money or touch another person without their permission. Praying for you as you decide what is best for this situation.
ReplyDeleteThe Raggedy Girl
My rule is if they hit you first you have a right to defend yourself. Honesty if someone hit my kids, I hope my kids would beat the hell outa that kid. I figure it is the parents of the bullies mistake for not teaching their kids better. However, if I found out my kids hit someone first they would never see the light of day again
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ReplyDeleteHaving been bullied numerous times in my life, I can say it is a case by case basis.
ReplyDeleteIf there is a crowd (an intelligent crowd), best policy is to turn the other cheek and the crowd will usually help put paid to the idiot bully.
One on one is another story. I don't want my kids beating on anyone in this litigious society of today, but I do not want them to be door mats either. I would tell them to verbally stand their ground and get an adult. If I were witness, I would find the parent and give them the verbal tongue lashing of a lifetime.
My boy,Ian, has good older brothers and is a strong little man. He will be OK. Estella is not just a Smith woman, she has a very vocal mother who is more than capable of standing her ground without resorting to anger if need be. Estella will debate them into the ground and at the very least tax the bully's synapse so much, he will fall over in pain.
Paul, come back from the astral plane and fill in the blanks of your thoughts. I don't get it.
ReplyDeleteI think you have to teach your kids multiple, situationally-sensitive ways, of dealing with bullies. That means sometimes you fight with your wits and sometimes you fight with your fists (accompanied by backups, right?), and sometimes you deal with them like we do...bribe with chocolate to diffuse the moment. Forget saving for bail money, buy stock in Hershey.