How to Annoy Your Child

When your child bites into their french fry and accidentally chomps his finger so hard that it bleeds, make sure that as you bandage it up you say something like, "Baby, your finger is not a french fry. I keep telling you that."

You see, I think laughter is the best medicine. My parents taught me that, especially my dad. He's quite the cutup. They annoyed me on a regular basis, like the time I was dating a guy twice my age and they kept paging me (hey, it was the 1990s) with callback numbers to places like seedy motels and old folks' homes. Yeah, they were a regular Laurel and Hardy, my parents. Kinda still are.