Casual Aging

I don’t care if you get plastic surgery or inject fillers into any part of your body. That’s your business and your money and your body.

The thought of a needle in my face to plump out my wrinkles freaks me out. I don’t have the time for it, and I’d rather save my money for a trip to Paris.

Also, I WANT my face to show when I’m mad. I don’t want to be yelling at my kids or my husband and have them whisper to each other, “Um, can you tell if she really means it because her forehead Is. Not. Moving.” So I need those parentheses things between my eyebrows to instill fear into my family. To be taken seriously.

Of course my eye wrinkles show all the happiness I’ve had over my lifetime, so I’ll be keeping those.

I’ve had cellulite since I was born, so we’re old pals and I’ll just let it be, especially since I’ve seen TV shows of how they do lipo and it makes me vomit.

My butt dimples may also stay since I don’t see my butt all that much and my husband says he likes it. He might be lying, but that’s okay.

My belly has never been flat, so I expect nothing from it. In fact, I kinda appreciate it since it stretched to fit 5 kids. It’s a trooper, and I’ll keep it.

As for my boobs, well, hmmm. I suppose they are the one (two) things I would consider altering. The fact remains that I don’t have the thousands of dollars it would take to “reconstruct” (ahem, it’s still a boob job) my chest area. They nursed 5 kids nonstop over the course of 13 years, survived 5 pregnancies, and they are tough as nails.

My plan is to just grow out my bangs. Or pull my hair back into as tight of a ponytail as I possibly can to pull back the wrinkles with it. What’s your plan?

This post was previously published on ScaryMommy.com way back in maybe 2011 and was taken down so I figured it needed a new life since I'm years older than I was when I first wrote it!