Reconnecting As A Couple When You Both Start To Feel Distant

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Many couples go through phases of feeling distant. Any conversations you have may feel like small talk and there may be little to no physical intimacy. You might see each other every day and still share the same bed, but the spark may be missing.

If you’re currently going through this phase, don’t be alarmed – your relationship isn’t over. By both realizing the problem, you can take measures to stop the two of you from drifting apart. Here are just several ways to find closeness again.

Share old memories

By reconnecting with the past, you may remind yourself of things that the two of you once admired about one another. Find time to share old stories and go back through old photos. You may even be able to revisit places that you went on your first dates.

Try new experiences together

If reliving the past doesn’t work for you, you could try making new memories by trying new things together. Variety is the spice of life – by breaking out your routine and trying new things, you may discover new things about one another. New experiences could include travelling to a new place together, trying new foods together or trying a new activity together such as ice-skating or wine tasting or kayaking. You can research into new date ideas online. 

Create joint goals

If you haven’t got any joint goals to work towards, you could consider creating a goal to help bring you together. Often when couples get married, they feel they have no more joint goals to achieve, but there are so many other goals you can think up such as making travel plans, saving up to move or even planning an epic anniversary party (you could even renew your vows – although if you’re feeling distant, this may not feel right).

Consider the option of counseling

If you need help opening up to each other, you could consider looking into counseling. You don’t have to be on the brink of divorce to consider counseling - some couples find it to be a useful process when dealing with small problems. There are many different counseling options out there including online marriage counseling. There are also counsellors that can come to your home.

Take a break to reconnect

Sometimes you need to get away from each other to realize the things you appreciate about each other (as the phrase goes: ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’). This could be particularly the case if you spend most of your time together. You don’t have to ‘break up’ to test this out. Instead, you could both plan separate trips away with friends. Or if you have kids, one of you could take a break away with the kids while the other stays at home.