How come we had to pay for ice cream at the Ice Cream Social at the public school when our kids don’t even go there and they get approximately $1,000 of our money every year (for the last 10 years), but at the Catholic school they gave away sundaes for free?
No, we didn’t go to the free one. We aren’t TOTAL mooches.
Don’t you love blog posts like this one? Posts that really get to the heart of the matter and really make you ponder the state of the world. Yeah, right.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
A Surprise, Unexpected, Accidental Mistake
*This post originally ran on 12/23/08 (what a great Christmas read!). Hoping it will rile you up! I’ll be sitting by my email inbox waiting for the hate mail.
Dad Warning: this post may not be a good one for you to read!
Women Warning: you’ll probably all be offended, too. I don’t want to get hate mail on this topic, so just know that I may make your blood boil today.
I loved the book Table for Eight by Meagan Francis (reviewed yesterday). My only problem with it is on page ix, where the sentence reads,
“Maybe you were surprised with a series of unexpected pregnancies.”
Then she talks about the author (Leslie Leyland Fields) of a book titled “Surprise Child: Finding Hope In Unexpected Pregnancy” saying how she “admits that her fifth and sixth pregnancies were the realization of one of her biggest fears. She writes that she was crushed to have to start again at the beginning …”
That’s funny. MY biggest fear is being too dense to realize that pregnancy is caused by sex, especially after I’ve done it FOUR times.
I’m trying to figure out how to NOT freak out here. Where do I begin? I guess some of you will be shocked to learn that I am pro-choice … the CHOICE being whether or not to have sex.
First of all, please do not EVER refer to an unplanned pregnancy as a “mistake” in my presence. A mistake is when I do something mindless like put salt instead of sugar in a recipe or when I call Joel by his brother’s name, NOT when I have sex and make a HUMAN BEING.
Secondly, what about this thing called Feminism? Didn’t we fight to be the hot shi* we are now? So why can’t we take responsibility when something happens in our lives? How is a pregnancy unexpected if you had some sex, ANY sex? This is an insult to all the women who are unable to get pregnant either on their own or with the help of science.
Third, never have I had a pregnancy be a SURPRISE. Um, I pretty much know when I’m having sex, unless I’m asleep for the whole thing, and I’m SURPRISED this hasn’t happened a few times being as how I’m exhausted every night at 9 p.m. So if I’m a big girl and know that the equation is “sex can equal a pregnancy” … then how is it a surprise? That being said, it WOULD be a surprise to me to become pregnant with, say, sextuplets without using fertility drugs.
Fourth, referring to a pregnancy as an accident is asinine. Here’s how I see it going down, and I’ll try not to be too graphic: I have just taken a shower and am naked. My husband walks in, only he TRIPS on his way in. He falls ON TOP OF me just the right way and … voila! He impregnates me! Stupid, right?
Bottom line: Even if you are using a titanium diaphragm, are breastfeeding day and night, your man is wearing the strongest condom ever made AND had a double vasectomy, and you are on 5 kinds of the Pill (including the ones where you don’t bleed for, like, a YEAR) …
Although there are many scientific ways to figure out when you are fertile, IF YOU HAVE SOME SEX, YOU MIGHT GET PREGNANT.
Class dismissed, and please NEVER ask me if I know what causes my large family!
I still love ya’ll, and tomorrow I’ll make it up to you for putting up with my yelling and ranting.
Girls, it’s like I always tell my husband (something stolen from Judge Judy):
Beauty fades, but dumb is forever.
Dad Warning: this post may not be a good one for you to read!
Women Warning: you’ll probably all be offended, too. I don’t want to get hate mail on this topic, so just know that I may make your blood boil today.
I loved the book Table for Eight by Meagan Francis (reviewed yesterday). My only problem with it is on page ix, where the sentence reads,
“Maybe you were surprised with a series of unexpected pregnancies.”
Then she talks about the author (Leslie Leyland Fields) of a book titled “Surprise Child: Finding Hope In Unexpected Pregnancy” saying how she “admits that her fifth and sixth pregnancies were the realization of one of her biggest fears. She writes that she was crushed to have to start again at the beginning …”
That’s funny. MY biggest fear is being too dense to realize that pregnancy is caused by sex, especially after I’ve done it FOUR times.
I’m trying to figure out how to NOT freak out here. Where do I begin? I guess some of you will be shocked to learn that I am pro-choice … the CHOICE being whether or not to have sex.
First of all, please do not EVER refer to an unplanned pregnancy as a “mistake” in my presence. A mistake is when I do something mindless like put salt instead of sugar in a recipe or when I call Joel by his brother’s name, NOT when I have sex and make a HUMAN BEING.
Secondly, what about this thing called Feminism? Didn’t we fight to be the hot shi* we are now? So why can’t we take responsibility when something happens in our lives? How is a pregnancy unexpected if you had some sex, ANY sex? This is an insult to all the women who are unable to get pregnant either on their own or with the help of science.
Third, never have I had a pregnancy be a SURPRISE. Um, I pretty much know when I’m having sex, unless I’m asleep for the whole thing, and I’m SURPRISED this hasn’t happened a few times being as how I’m exhausted every night at 9 p.m. So if I’m a big girl and know that the equation is “sex can equal a pregnancy” … then how is it a surprise? That being said, it WOULD be a surprise to me to become pregnant with, say, sextuplets without using fertility drugs.
Fourth, referring to a pregnancy as an accident is asinine. Here’s how I see it going down, and I’ll try not to be too graphic: I have just taken a shower and am naked. My husband walks in, only he TRIPS on his way in. He falls ON TOP OF me just the right way and … voila! He impregnates me! Stupid, right?
Bottom line: Even if you are using a titanium diaphragm, are breastfeeding day and night, your man is wearing the strongest condom ever made AND had a double vasectomy, and you are on 5 kinds of the Pill (including the ones where you don’t bleed for, like, a YEAR) …
Although there are many scientific ways to figure out when you are fertile, IF YOU HAVE SOME SEX, YOU MIGHT GET PREGNANT.
Class dismissed, and please NEVER ask me if I know what causes my large family!
I still love ya’ll, and tomorrow I’ll make it up to you for putting up with my yelling and ranting.
Girls, it’s like I always tell my husband (something stolen from Judge Judy):
Beauty fades, but dumb is forever.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Catholic Church and Pregnant Marriage
Okay, so here’s the deal, and try to follow along because my brain is all over the dang place.
If you are pregnant and want to get married in the Catholic Church, the answer is a BIG FAT “NO”.
Makes sense to you, right?
Except that if you are shacking up, the answer is YES.
Don’t forget that couples VOW at their Catholic wedding to welcome tons of babies from God, but then they go the sterilization route once they realize what tons of babies actually looks like (which I totally get and I'm NOT judging those who stop having kids when they know they are done ... I think that's perhaps a good idea!).
So I’m thinking if you are ALREADY pregnant, you are ALREADY fulfilling the vow of having tons of babies, even more so than those who are simply shacking up.
I wish they’d take the vow out about having tons of babies … because you never know how you’re going to take to parenting until you’ve had a kid.
Back to the pregnant Catholics. So they go ahead and get married somewhere else. Then they have the baby. THEN the Catholic Church says, “Okay, we’ll go ahead and BLESS your marriage in a special ceremony.”
Why not just marry the pregnant couple in the first place in the Catholic Church and save the time and expense of the Blessing Ceremony later?
AND start teaching Natural Family Planning in the Catholic schools when children are young so they actually know what the hell it is and get themselves knocked up less often? You’re not handing out condoms, people, you’re just teaching girls and boys about how a woman’s body works so she can avoid pregnancy.
Clearly, I just need to be the Pope.
If you are pregnant and want to get married in the Catholic Church, the answer is a BIG FAT “NO”.
Makes sense to you, right?
Except that if you are shacking up, the answer is YES.
Don’t forget that couples VOW at their Catholic wedding to welcome tons of babies from God, but then they go the sterilization route once they realize what tons of babies actually looks like (which I totally get and I'm NOT judging those who stop having kids when they know they are done ... I think that's perhaps a good idea!).
So I’m thinking if you are ALREADY pregnant, you are ALREADY fulfilling the vow of having tons of babies, even more so than those who are simply shacking up.
I wish they’d take the vow out about having tons of babies … because you never know how you’re going to take to parenting until you’ve had a kid.
Back to the pregnant Catholics. So they go ahead and get married somewhere else. Then they have the baby. THEN the Catholic Church says, “Okay, we’ll go ahead and BLESS your marriage in a special ceremony.”
Why not just marry the pregnant couple in the first place in the Catholic Church and save the time and expense of the Blessing Ceremony later?
AND start teaching Natural Family Planning in the Catholic schools when children are young so they actually know what the hell it is and get themselves knocked up less often? You’re not handing out condoms, people, you’re just teaching girls and boys about how a woman’s body works so she can avoid pregnancy.
Clearly, I just need to be the Pope.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Tangrams Rock
I know. Sometimes I'm so cool you forget I'm a homeschooler. Wait, no offense to homeschoolers. I'll shut up now. Anyway, I ordered these great things from Rainbow Resource Center called Magnetic Tangrams. Michael is a shapes-y/math guy, so he loves making stuff out of them on the fridge:
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
A Bang-Up Job
A few weeks ago Joel cut Callie’s bangs while they were at a friend’s house. Clearly I’m not on top of things. The “before” picture:
I had to cut the rest to make it look a LITTLE bit better (I’m no hairstylist). Here’s THAT result:
Aron said it looks like a mullet for now. So we taught Callie to say that word, plus “business in the front, party in the back.” She’s proud to look like Hannah Montana’s dad.
I had to cut the rest to make it look a LITTLE bit better (I’m no hairstylist). Here’s THAT result:
Aron said it looks like a mullet for now. So we taught Callie to say that word, plus “business in the front, party in the back.” She’s proud to look like Hannah Montana’s dad.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)