How to Pack a Baby in a Suitcase

I know some of you won't believe me, but Aron is always sad when he has to travel for work. The last time he left for Phoenix I pretended to pack Sam in his suitcase. A perfect fit (although probably highly illegal)!

How to Make Homeschooling Friends

I have found a new homeschooling friend again and BOY am I excited. She’s normal. Her kids are normal. She’s nice.

She doesn’t ask me inappropriate questions like, “So, why do you write? Is it because you are not fulfilled as a mother?”

She doesn’t quiz me about my religion, hoping to convert me to hers or to find holes in my logic.

She doesn’t run around her house like a Homeschooling Nazi, making sure her kids are doing work way above their grade level WHILE we are having a playdate.

I will add her in my mind to my growing list of great friends, homeschooling or otherwise.

In case you’re wondering, I went to the web site for one of my homeschool groups and searched the members’ addresses. Then I put together a play date with a couple of moms who live close. Sure, I’d rather stay home and write and hang out with my kids than meet new people, but once we met a few times I was glad I got out of the house. I initially did it for my kids so they’d have a social opportunity before 3:15 p.m., but I’ve made a friend or two in the process!

Do you find it hard sometimes to make friends now that you have kids?

Homeschooler Discrimination at Pawnee Elementary School in Overland Park, Kansas?

This is cool and crummy all at once.

My friend and I used to play school all the time. We’d argue over who would be the teacher. We both thought we knew everything.

Now I’m a homeschooling mom. My friend teaches English as a Second Language across the street at Pawnee Elementary School in Overland Park, KS.

A couple of weeks ago my 8-year-old son went across the street to help her out by reading to her students and making them feel at ease (a.k.a. peer mentoring). He was only there for half an hour and loved it. The kids loved it. My friend said he did great.

Too bad the principal (Shawnee Mission School District in Kansas) told my friend that my son can’t come back. She thinks it may be a liability issue, but we’re STILL waiting to find out his reason. I really want to write to him and tell him how much my son loved helping out, how much my friend liked having help and how much the kids enjoyed having him there. And tell him I’m happy to sign a release saying if my son gets hurt in his school I won’t sue. The McLoughlins are not litigious people.

Raise your hand if you think this is Homeschooler Discrimination. I guess I can see where they wouldn't want a homeschooled kid running around, making all the other kids want to be homeschooled. Why can't they just sneak him in the back door and pay off the ESL kids to keep quiet about his wonderful existence?

4/17/12 Schools are always bitching about needing money for every freaking thing under sun, so why don't they take the free help? Joel will be 11 when the next school year starts. Should I try this again or just leave them alone?

Bored Kids

I hate when kids tell me they are bored. I had a teacher in high school named Mr. Hoobing who said, “When you say you’re bored, that means you’re boring.”

So you know when a kid is crying and you go, “Do you want me to give you something to cry about?”

When kids tell me they’re bored, I SHOW them bored by lecturing to them. I tell them how I was an only child and had no siblings to argue with or annoy or punch out. And how I barely had neighbor friends because my mean old parents had us living in places where there weren’t a lot of [normal] kids.

I tell them how I had no Internet, no video games, no texting, no cell phone, no computer.

I did have MTV, though, friends. Back when MTV actually played music videos around the clock. And VH1. And good summer daytime TV like reruns of Leave it to Beaver, Who’s the Boss, One Day at a Time, I Love Lucy and tons of others I can’t even think of.

What did you do when you were bored? Besides play with your rocks and sticks? When Eva is bored she likes to help put away clean silverware from the dishwasher.

Funny Bathroom Cleaning Instructions for Little Kids

*can be done by one person or split up*

1. Put away everything that doesn’t belong in the bathroom (stuffed animals, omelets, etc.).

2. Hang up towels, put things away in drawers and closet. If towels smell bad because you left them on the floor after your bath last week, put them in the hamper and replace them with clean ones from the closet. On second thought, just walk up to the store and buy new towels. Grab my debit card from my wallet.

3. Using a wipe or washrag, wipe down counter and sink.

4. Using just the toilet brush (no Comet!), clean out the toilet. Ask Daddy if there is something else he’d like you to use to get it clean. Mommy doesn’t want you to use chemical-y stuff. Is baking soda and vinegar okay? We don’t want Daddy to freak out because the new toilet has been scratched!!!

5. Using a wipe or washrag, wipe the rest of the toilet. Try not to gag. Don’t gripe about how gross it may be because I rarely use that toilet so it’s not my fault.

6. Shake out the rugs (over the back deck).

7. If there is a lot of hair or other debris (duh-bree = dirt) on the floor (toilet paper your sister has gotten wet and then left to dry, concoctions that should have been left in the kitchen), do a quick sweep of the floor with the small brush and dustpan from garage. Then put it back!!! (the dustpan, not the debris)

8. Get the tub a little bit wet, then sprinkle some Comet around on the dirty parts. Using a washrag, scrub down the tub. To rinse off the Comet, you can use the sprayer or just let tub water run while you fill a cup and use that to rinse off the sides of the tub. Do not try to make a beach on the bathroom floor again like you did that one time when I was sitting downstairs and saw water coming through the water fixtures in the ceiling. Thank you.